I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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