evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vagina is talking i cant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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