R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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