My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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