as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize