I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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