Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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