OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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