She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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