I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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