I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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