i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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