If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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