Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize