Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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