So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize