You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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