im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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