this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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