the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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