He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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