just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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