Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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