I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
