I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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