Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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