dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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