doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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