please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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