Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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