she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize