Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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