i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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