I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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