All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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