I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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