don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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