My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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