Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can Purell be used as lube?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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