did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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