i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize