So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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