Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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