My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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