all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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