the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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