i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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