how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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