He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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