I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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