Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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